Poem

I used to write poetry all the time. Today, I felt one rising in my heart as I drove home from an appointment. I thought I would share….

Healing is a process

                And sometimes  you have to walk through the landmines

                                In the no-man’s land of memory

                                                To get from the war zone that was your heart to

                                                                Peace.

Healing is not the absence of pain.

                Because pain bleeds and when you are bleeding in shame and self-hatred, you

                         only want the

                                     bleeding to stop

                So you apply a bandage , but sometimes that bandage is bondage,

                          but you didn’t know it

                               So you mistake the pressure and the bondage for healing

So I lived my life and I didn’t feel

                Pain

                Or any significant feeling

                Or even significant for that matter

And I certainly did not believe I was beautiful.

We’re working on that.

Instead I felt only pressure

                And I loved the bondage

                                Of religion and self-hatred

                                                Because they looked like healing

But instead of healing, I got gangrene, and I thought that the gangrene was the pain

                Only it was the result of avoiding the pain

                                So the cure for the pain caused more pain than the pain itself

And the thing about gangrene is that it takes a surgeon’s scalpel to cut it out.

                And that hurts like hell

                But you realize at some point that the surgeon and His scalpel are actually your best friends

                                Even when it does hurt like hell

The infection runs deep.

And Jesus said it is better to pluck out your eye or your offending hand than to commit adultery

                But if the adultery is religion, that seems okay

                                Because it looks good and church people like it

And if cutting out the very things that looked like healing actually leads to healing,  then I am willing to be maimed.

 Gangrene is a poison to the body

                And to the heart

And I would rather live with a clean spring in my heart than a cracked and poisoned cistern

Forgiveness isn’t so much

                Excusing another person’s  behavior

                                Or slapping a bandage of bondage on that wound

As it is agreeing to live with  the consequences of their behavior on you and your relationship

                Like Jesus did when He took my consequences for my sins against Him to the cross

                                and left them in a tomb

                                                Because true forgiveness frees you and the other person

But that does not mean

                You just go back

                                Because sometimes going back is death

Trust is not the same as forgiveness,

                And reconciliation is not just picking up where you left off

Because sometimes letting go of the toxic dump of a relationship that was

                And is not now

                                Is the best thing you can do

Because when you are healed, you are a new person

                And you can live in the reality

                                That Jesus calls you beautiful.

And  if you are called back into the no-man’s land of memory

                By the land mines of the things people say or do

                                You can look at the craters you have already survived

                And realize that the explosives are gone

                                And the power to destroy you has been destroyed

And you may be maimed, but you are healing

                And you are beautiful.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s